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SUSAN HARLAN

WRITER/ENGLISH PROFESSOR

WINSTON-SALEM, NC

SUSAN HARLAN

OBJECTS. PLACES. MEMORIES. FUNNY THINGS.

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Lady Macbeth's Murderous Mansion of Blood and Death

An excerpt from DECORATING A ROOM OF ONE'S OWN (Abrams, 2018).
The Folger Shakespeare Library: Shakespeare & Beyond Link to Story
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A Poem About Your University’s New and Totally Not Time-Wasting Review Process for Tenure and Promotion

McSweeney's Internet Tendency Link to Story
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Jonathan Franzen’s 10 Rules for Polar Bears

The polar bear’s reader is a friend, not an adversary like a seal, not a spectator like a slow and boring penguin. Fiction that isn’t a polar bear’s personal adventure into the frightening or the unknown isn’t worth writing for anything but money, or possibly a lot of waterfowl. Never use the word then as a conjunction—we polar bears have and for this purpose.
Queen Mob's Tea House Link to Story
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Your Friendly Trader Joe’s Cashier Inquires About Your Plans

“You have any plans for what you would do if you inherited a million dollars?”. “You have any plans for what you would do if you got gravely ill?”. “You have any plans to have kids or just like one kid if that is all you want?”. “You have any plans to take out a second mortgage on your house?”. “You have any plans to travel to the Great Pyramid of Giza?”.
Queen Mob's Tea House Link to Story
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How to Decorate Your House Like Victor Frankenstein

An excerpt from DECORATING A ROOM OF ONE'S OWN (Abrams, 2018).
Electric Literature Link to Story
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Even More Alternatives to Resting Bitch Face

You Appear To Have a Shockingly Inflated Sense Of Your Own Importance Face. You Seem To Know A Lot About My Job For Someone Who Knows Nothing About My Job Face. I’m Going To Tell You I Need To Walk My Dog To Get Out of This Conversation Face. I Would Rather Gouge My Eyes Out With a Dull Spoon Than Do That Face.
McSweeney's Internet Tendency Link to Story
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Men Explain My Syllabus to Me

Preorder the brand-new edition of the 2014 version of Boots Riley’s Sorry to Bother You—originally published with McSweeney's 48—and you'll receive your copy in September. Now a major motion... Since the 2016 election, reading the news each day can send even the most placid among us into a paralyzing apoplexia.
McSweeney's Internet Tendency Link to Story
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MISFIT DOC: Things in Hemingway’s Recently Recovered Stolen Suitcase

List of story ideas, including “Something with a multi-dimensional woman in it?????”. “Something without wild game in it????”. and “Children’s book about FSF’s dick? Like he’s a character and has adventures????”. Hallmark card for Gertrude Stein, detailing his stylistic debt to her. Dog-eared book about polydactyl cats from Shakespeare and Company.
Queen Mob's Tea House Link to Story
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How Was Your Summer?

Things To Say Other Than “I Didn’t Get Enough Writing Done” When Your Academic Colleague Asks You How Your Summer Was So You Don’t Start the Year With a Goddamned Sense of Failure and Self-Loathing. I ate another goddamned Popsicle because why not that is what Popsicles are for. I had a number of goddamned conversations with Trader Joe’s cashiers.
Avidly Link to Story
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Things That Rachel Weisz Does As a Raven-Haired Raven from the Land of Ravens Where They Do Raven-y Things

Eats mice. Prophesizes things.
Queen Mob's Tea House Link to Story
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A Poem About Your University’s Absolute and Unwavering Appreciation of Its Faculty in Spite of Said Faculty’s Crap Salaries

“A rise in the cost of living chipped away at salary gains by full-time faculty members in the 2017-18 academic year, according to new survey data published on Wednesday by the American Association of University Professors. Full-time faculty earned an average of 3 percent more than they did in the prior academic year.
McSweeney's Internet Tendency Link to Story
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I Am Emily Cratchit/Miss Piggy in The Muppet Christmas Carol, And I Am Not Prepared For This Uplifting But Nonetheless Impromptu Christmas Feast

Okay, so I thought it was going to be a mellow Christmas day at home with our single Cornish game hen and three cranberries.
Janice Link to Story

About

SUSAN HARLAN

Susan Harlan is a writer based in Winston-Salem, NC, who is particularly interested in the relationship between place, memory, and objects. Her essays have appeared in publications including The Guardian US, The Paris Review Daily, Guernica, Roads & Kingdoms, The Morning News, The Awl, Curbed, Racked, Atlas Obscura, The Common, The Toast, Nowhere, Literary Hub, The Bitter Southerner, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, The Brooklyn Quarterly, Avidly, and Public Books. She also writes about feminist issues for venues such as Jezebel, Literary Mothers, The Feminist Wire, DAME, Skirt!, The Hairpin, The Establishment, Queen Mob's Tea House, The Belladonna, The South Carolina Review, and The Manifest-Station. She holds a Ph.D. in English Literature from New York University and an M.A. in English Renaissance theater history from King’s College London and teaches English at Wake Forest University. Her book Luggage was published in the Bloomsbury series Object Lessons in March 2018. Her book Decorating a Room of One's Own, a humorous mash-up of home design reportage and literary homes based on her column for The Toast, will be published by Abrams in October 2018.

She is represented by Jim McCarthy of Dystel, Goderich & Bourret Literary Management.

Photo credit Sarah Torretta Klock.

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www.susan-harlan.com

Skills

  • Teaching
  • Writing